Knock Knock...Whos there?.. God....God who?

What is the power of conviction? A belief so profound that you need no evidence to support it. We all believe in GOD, the almighty, the all knowing, the one and the only HE. Someone who has been there for you all your life protecting you. But is HE real or is it just our power of conviction. Even an atheist shouts out one of the most over used exclamations of all times, "oh, god" when he sees something that defies anything he had ever seen before. Why does he do that?? cause ever since we were kids we were told of the existence of the one man, who started it all, the one and the only. It is kind of imprinted in our heads and no amount of forcing will help us forget it. Its similar to how you dont forget a language learned when you were a child. So what is god? When i grew up, i had always felt that there was someone out there guiding you, willing you to go further than most others, when i was happy, when i was sad, when i needed to run faster in a race and even when i was dying, it pulled me out, gave me hope. At that time i realized it was god, but i really dont think its him, i think its just me. Its my strength, my willingness to go on and fight for what is mine. But sometimes when luck pushes you, you get pushed and dont have the courage or the will to push back. It was you back then and it is you now and god was never in the picture.Thats why they say god is inside you cause you are god, or atleast for you. I have lost a lot more than i had gained ever in my life. I felt the need for revenge, at god, at myself or someone who has ever wronged me.Maybe thats what comprises the satan in us.
I hope God can give me strength or i can give myself the strength to go on. And I hope to God I dont talk spiritual again....brrrr....